… requires three things:

1. Patience
   I have probably the most unsteady hands in the history of unsteady hands and can recall numerous times my nails have been uneven. Or a time I have completely forgotten to clip my pinky nail.
2. Desire
   When I used to play the violin and guitar regularly, I detested any nails at all on the ends of my fingers, so I carried around a nail clipper with me (in my violin and guitar case, especially). The feeling of my nails scratching the finger/fret board drove me batty.
3. Goggles
   An absolute must unless I want to be the next Hellen Keller. Yes, I do believe finger/toe nails have minds of their own and are out to not only blind me, but also take away my sense of hearing. Call me insane, but I swear it’s the truth.

I used to subscribe to Disney Adventures or some such and remember a section of the magazine that focused on the extraordinary but true. There was a story of a man/woman/hermaphrodite (most likely one of the former two) who collected all of his/her/its finger/toe nail clippings and stored them in a jar and displayed them in a closet. If this person weren’t featured in that magazine, he/she/it could likely be misconstrued as a serial killer because it definitely sound like something right out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre to me.

I’m not entirely sure how the above paragraph relates to the bulleted items, nor how this sentence really relates to anything - I felt inclined to share that little Disney Adventure memory I have of a possible hermaphroditic serial killer in Texas.

Since I often become obsessed with things (music, television, food, etc.) and wear them out until they’re no longer recognizable as anything that was produced on earth, I thought it pertinent to share my obsessions as of late. Note that I make this a monthly and/or unlikely a biweekly ritual of sorts:

• Yo Gabba Gabba
  This is actually a newfound obsession of mine, and I am ridiculously in love with Brobee. He’s green, striped, and has a freaking awesome unibrow. If ever there was a stuff toy that I couldn’t live without, Brobee is definitely it. How old am I again? 24 going on five it seems. My soon-to-be six-month old daughter, Madeline, has not expressed any interest in Brobee just yet, so I’m going to keep this plush treasure for as long as I can.
• Giraffes
  All my life I’ve had an affinity for animals that were typically every known shade of green, so naturally one would surmise that love for green and green animals would be passed onto Madeline. Surprisingly, I’ve been purchasing anything and everything giraffe-related on God’s orange earth for Madeline. Giraffe toys, giraffe onesies, giraffe chewing tobacco … actually, I have yet to find giraffe chewing tobacco. But you get the idea. I should probably note that Madeline’s possessions don’t only consist of giraffes, there’s plenty of manatees in her stash of toys, too, as we are friends of the WWF (World Wildlife Fund or World Wrestling Federation, I think they’re one and the same).
• Madeline’s Fart Noises
  She makes them with her mouth, mind you, oh and yes, with her bum, too some of the time. I’m not entirely sure where she picked up the fart noises (with her mouth) but they sure are cute and it’s only prompted me to go out and buy a video camera already.